Horror Movie Review: Bikini Shark (2025)

I think it is a safe bet that you’re not supposed to take Bikini Shark seriously, so if you go into it expecting high quality stuff, you’re going to come away disappointed. See it for what it is, and you might enjoy it a little more. It’s not good, not in the slightest, but it’s so odd, it becomes almost enjoyable. I’m not going to lie, I had some fun with this one, even if I was cringing a lot of the time.

Coming from purveyors of low-budget, low-quality horror, Champdog Films, Bikini Shark has E J Marshall in the director’s chair, with Harry Boxley and Justin Carter serving as writers. It stars Alina Varakuta, Amber Olivia, Christian Ndonda, and Tyler Winchcombe.

Imagine, if you will, the countryside in Essex, England. You have got a nice bikini on. You’re trying to relax, when suddenly, a shark comes along and devours you. Weird, right?

That is the basic premise of Bikini Shark, but to add more meat to the bones, as the film goes on, we learn that these specific bikinis are toxic and when fed to sharks, creates the floating creatures we see. Who made them? An insane fashion designer, of course. Unfortunately for a group of female friends, their weekend away just so happens to be right where the sharks are roaming.

It’s so dumb, but it has charm, and had the film leaned fully into exploitation, it would fare so much better. Alas, the film gets the whole tone wildly wrong, and it’s what drags things down. Here is a film about sharks that like to devourer the wearers of toxic bikinis. If this was made in the 80s, it would be exploitation heaven. Blood, boobs, and bloody boobs. It would be so much fun, and let’s be honest, with a name like Bikini Shark, isn’t that what you expect?

Alas, Bikini Shark has its characters taking this so seriously, the actors playing it so straight-faced and rather than focus on shark mayhem only, it throws in a pregnancy/abuse subplot that is so awkward to watch. Giving us an additional villain that is wholly unnecessary. This isn’t fun at all, and you can tell the cast really struggled with the tone too, resulting in some cringe inducing scenes and wooden dialogue delivery. I don’t want to single anyone out, but there are a few actors here who really don’t have a clue what they are doing and I think it is the fault of the writing.

As for the sharks themselves? I’ve seen much worse CGI, and these things have a certain amount of solid mass, even though they move in a completely unnatural way. I just would have liked to have seen a lot more of them, and a lot more gore.

I know that all of this makes it sound awful, and it is, but it’s the kind of awful that has entertainment value. Not loads, and at 70-odd minutes, it still feels too long, but I didn’t have a horrible time watching it. Which, for a film like this, feels like a victory.